At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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