it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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