Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
