i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize