What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
