Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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