On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
