yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
