If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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