Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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