Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
