Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
