Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
