with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
