At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
