Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
