Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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