my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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