I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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