at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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