Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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