dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
