im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
