Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
