Fine. I'll sleep in my office
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
