you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
