jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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