Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize