ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
