'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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