The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
