A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize