Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
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