i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
