I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
