your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize