My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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