i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
