i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
