people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
