Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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