youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
last night I used snow as a chaser
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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