I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
