We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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