I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
