I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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