i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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