if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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