i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
