Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
