Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."

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(903): View more from Texas

Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.

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(702): View more from Nevada

So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.

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(801): View more from Utah

He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".

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(850): View more from Florida

some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.

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(818): View more from California

I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!

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(616): View more from Michigan

Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...

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