porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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