he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
