I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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