i think my mom watched the whole time
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
