u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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