how do flat chested girls get laid?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
