he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
