i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
