Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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