plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize