So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
