Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
