Will you blow on my dice?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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