was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
