You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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