I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
