I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
