How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize