im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
