Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
vagina is talking i cant
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
