I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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