so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
