my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
