we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They took my balls.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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