I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
