what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i love accidental penises.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize