With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
