Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize