Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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