Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
