So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
