The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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