my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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