so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it's like heaven, but drunker
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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