I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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